REVEALED: The Lumon-level deception happening in your checking account

Why Your Bank Is Worse for the Planet Than Your SUV

Your innie bank account has know idea

Your bank account is living a perfectly severed life. In your outie world, you're dutifully sorting recycling and driving your hybrid, while your innie dollars are trapped in a financial Lumon basement, forced to refine numbers for oil pipelines without any memory of your environmental values. This isn't corporate fiction—it's banking reality.

The Severed Floor of Banking

Most people assume their money just "sits" in the bank like an employee in a Lumon break room—quietly waiting to be called upon. The truth would trigger an Overtime Contingency: banks use your deposits to fund loans and investments in carbon-intensive industries with all the cold efficiency of Harmony Cobel enforcing company protocol.

Since the 2015 Paris Agreement, the world's 60 largest banks have funneled $6.9 trillion into fossil fuel financing. By contrast, only about $203 billion went to renewable energy—a measly 5% of what went to fossil fuels. Your money isn't refining mysterious data; it's refining actual oil.

The carbon footprint would make Dylan G. rage-break his keyboard: a $1,000 balance in a Big Four U.S. bank generates as much CO₂ in a year as flying from New York to Seattle. Keeping about $62,500 in such a bank produces the same carbon as all your driving, heating, flying, and cooking for six months.¹ Your bank choice has severed itself completely from your environmental intentions.

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Hello Bank of America, I mean Milchick

The Board's Worst Offenders

Not all banks are equal in the corporate hierarchy. A few financial institutions are responsible for the lion's share of fossil fuel funding:

JPMorgan Chase (US): The Board's favorite. JPMorgan has pumped over $430 billion into fossil fuel industries since 2016², topping the global rankings nearly every year. It's the Lumon of banking—seemingly respectable on the outside, catastrophic on the inside.

Citigroup (US): A close second with around $396 billion in fossil fuel financing since 2016.³ If JPMorgan is Lumon, Citigroup is the equally sinister competitor mentioned in hushed tones.

Bank of America (US): Over $331 billion to fossil fuels since 2016.⁴ The Milchick of banking—presenting friendly incentives while enforcing devastating climate policies.

Wells Fargo (US): Another "Big Four" member channeling money into coal mines, fracking, and pipelines with the emotionless precision of Irving following protocol.

Together, Chase, Citi, BofA, and Wells Fargo have poured $1.37 trillion into fossil fuels since 2015.⁵ These aren't just banks; they're an entire severed department working on climate destruction.

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Make a plan. Write it on your arms.

Triggering Your Overtime Contingency: Steps for Divestment

Ready to break out of the severed floor of destructive banking? Here's how to trigger your financial Overtime Contingency:

1. Investigate Your Current Bank's Record: Find out if your bank is financing fossil fuels using resources like the Banking on Climate Chaos report. Knowledge is power—like Mark S. slowly discovering Lumon's true purpose.

2. Move Your Money to a Sustainable Bank: Switch to financial institutions that have pledged not to finance fossil fuels. Use tools like Bank.Green to find sustainable alternatives. When your money works at an ethical bank, it's like escaping Lumon for a job that doesn't require severance.

3. Shift to ESG and Fossil-Free Investments: Check if your 401(k) or mutual funds hold stock in fossil fuel companies. Tools like As You Sow's Fossil Fuel Finance Ratings can help you see which financial MDR department your investments are working in. Reallocate to ESG funds, green bonds, or fossil-free index funds—give your money a better work environment.

4. Choose Responsible Credit Cards: Credit cards from major banks funnel money into fossil fuels with the silent efficiency of the elevator to the severed floor. Switch to cards from credit unions or ethical banks, where your everyday purchases won't fund oil drilling.

5. Spread the Word and Advocate: Share what you've discovered, like Mark trying to wake his colleagues to the truth. Many people have no idea their bank is on the Board of climate destruction. Support campaigns pressuring banks to phase out fossil finance, or sign petitions like a non-severed employee filing a complaint.

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Your savings account needs an Overtime Contingency trigger

The Integrated (Non-Severed) Financial Options

Unlike Lumon, there are banks that don't require your money to live a double life:

Amalgamated Bank (USA): An institution where your innie and outie dollars share the same values. Powered by 100% renewable energy with a fossil fuel-free lending policy. No need for severance between your values and your money.

Beneficial State Bank (USA): A certified B Corporation that's Fossil-Free Certified. Instead of refining mysterious numbers, your deposits help fund solar panel installations and local development.

Aspiration (USA): An online financial company that pledges customer deposits will never fund fossil fuel projects. It even purchases carbon offsets for your card purchases—like healing the severance wound between spending and impact.

Clean Energy Credit Union (USA): A credit union that uses members' deposits exclusively for clean energy projects. Your savings directly help others go green—a workplace cooperation that would be forbidden at Lumon.

Climate First Bank (USA): A community bank with climate action as its core mission. No severed floor, just transparent values that match yours.

By divesting from polluting banks and supporting these sustainable finance leaders, you're essentially helping your money quit its job at the financial equivalent of Lumon Industries. Every dollar you move is a vote for integration rather than severance—for aligning your financial life with your environmental values.

Your money can either perpetuate a severed existence, working against your values in the basement of big banks, or it can live an integrated life supporting the sustainable future you actually want. The choice is yours. Time to hit the Overtime Contingency switch.

1. https://greenamerica.org/your-money-working-greener-world/align-your-banking-and-credit-card-your-values

2. https://www.bankingdive.com/news/banking-climate-chaos-2024-banks-6-9t-fossil-fuel-finance-expansion-jpmorgan-citi-bofa-rbc

3. https://www.utilitydive.com/news/banking-climate-chaos-2024-banks-6-9t-fossil-fuel-finance-expansion-jpmorgan-citi-bofa-rbc

4. https://www.utilitydive.com/news/banking-climate-chaos-2024-banks-6-9t-fossil-fuel-finance-expansion-jpmorgan-citi-bofa-rbc

5. https://greenamerica.org/your-money-working-greener-world/align-your-banking-and-credit-card-your-values